爱的教育:真爱教会我们的17堂课

http://www.youth.cn  2014-04-07 14:28:32  中国青年网

  Love. It makes the world go ‘round, right? Well, at least that’s the how the saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people confuse love with things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn’t either of those things. But these 17 things are. So here are the lessons that real love teaches us:

  有句话叫做“爱让世界转动”,果真如此么?应该是吧。可是,很多人却把嫉妒或占有误以为是爱。真爱既不是嫉妒也不是占有。但下面这17个蕴意却能阐释爱。请看真爱能教会我们什么吧:

  1. Love means letting go of expectations

  爱意味着抛开期望

  Sure, we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious. All of these things are expectations. Expectations are just your requirements for “acceptability” of loving someone. But true love has no expectations. It simply loves “as is.”

  自然,我们都希望别人能成为我们所期望的那样。我们要求他们更柔情、更阳光、更聪明或更有抱负。所有这些都是期望,而期望就是你“愿意”爱上某人的条件。可是,真爱并不尽是期望——真爱是能够接受对方本来的样子。

  2. Love doesn’t play the victim role or blame others

  爱没有“玻璃心”,也不会苛责对方

  Love works together. It takes responsibility. It forgives and allows other people’s actions to be their journey. Love doesn’t take things personally.

  爱是同心协力,是同舟共济,是宽容对方并放手让对方启程。爱不会狭隘地斤斤计较。

  3. Love includes letting go

  爱也是放手

  Love doesn’t equal possession. Just as the saying goes, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, then it never was.” There is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom. It doesn’t hold tightly and crush their wings in attempt to keep them. True love doesn’t want to possess. It is willing to set you free if you want to be.

  爱不等于占有。常言道:“如果你喜欢它,就请给它自由。它若能再回来,便是你的;若不愿回来,那么它永远也不会属于你。” 确实如此呵!爱会给对方自由。爱不应紧紧拽着对方,不应为了留住对方而折断他的翅膀。真爱不是占有,而是如你所愿地给你自由。

  4. Love doesn’t require you to continue a relationship

  爱不勉强维持

  You may love someone very much. But you may not be compatible with them. Or they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your feelings. You can still love them, but that doesn’t mean you have to be with them. Love doesn’t mean that you have to stay, and stay, and stay. You can leave the relationship and love them anyway.

  或许你非常爱他,可你们根本就性格不投;或者他总漠视你的情感,让你痛苦纠缠。当然,你仍然可以爱着他,但这不表示你必须陪在他身边。爱不是强作维持无奈停留。你可以选择离开,但在心里仍然爱着对方。

  5. Love has no room for jealousy

  爱没有嫉妒

  Like possession, jealousy doesn’t equal love. We think that if we’re not jealous of our loved ones that it means that we don’t love them. True love has confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that the other person is happy and content coming back to you, and only you.

  和占有欲一样,嫉妒也不是爱。我们以为要是不嫉妒吃醋,就表示我们根本不爱对方。其实,真爱完全相信彼此关系多么可靠,确信那个人会很开心地选择你——而且只有你。

  6. Love is the absence of fear

  爱没有恐惧

  You can put all emotions on acontinuum. On one end, you have love. Then appreciation. After that, it’s joy, happiness, contentment, and satisfaction. On the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear. Other fear-based emotions include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy, or greed.

  将所有情绪排列顺序,从头开始是爱、感恩、喜悦、快乐、知足、满意,而排在最末尾的便是恐惧。恐惧类情绪还有憎恶、不安、嫉妒或贪婪。

  7. Love is not needing and wanting

  爱不是需求和渴望

  One of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear. You fear that you can’t live without them, so you need them. And remember, fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life gives them the freedom to leave, but still shows them you love them.

  我们经常教导子女:渴望和需求是不一样的。你需要某人,那是因为你心藏恐惧:你害怕没了他你就无法生活,所以你需要他。可是别忘了,恐惧和爱是对立的。如果你渴望生活中出现某个人但又愿意给他离开的自由,那你才是爱他的。

  8. Love is an action, not just a feeling

  爱不只是感觉,更是行动

  Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion – especially when it feels good. So when we’re in love, we want to feel that way forever. But guess what? That higher than “Cloud 9” feeling goes away after a while. That doesn’t mean you don’t love the other person anymore, it just means that it’s not new anymore. So that’s where the action needs to kick in. Show the person you love them. Don’t just assume they know.

  人们总是难以抗拒热烈的情感——尤其是在感觉良好的时候。所以一旦陷入爱,我们就总希望能一直那样美好。但实际上呢,那种飘飘欲仙的感觉稍纵即逝。当然,这并不表示你不再爱他,只能说新鲜劲儿过去了而已。这时就得拿出行动来证明你爱他。不要只在心里想当然认为他知道你爱他。

  9. Love is unconditional

  爱是无条件的

  The word ‘unconditional’ means that there are no expectations orlimitationsset. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most humans aren’t good at that. But true love really does love without trying to change the other person.

  “无条件”是指没有期望或设定限制。无条件去爱不是件容易的事情,大部分人也都做不到这一点。但是,真正的爱确实不需要试图去改变对方。

  10. Love means putting other people’s needs equal to – or before – your own

  爱意味着“忧他人之忧”

  While people may beinherentlyselfish for survival purposes, this does not serve us well in relationships. If you don’t put other people’s needs at least equal to your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly, genuinely cares about other people’s happiness and will go to great lengths to make people feel valued.

为了生存,人性难免自私;但自私却不利于培养感情。如果你没能把对方的需求当成自己的事情,那么对方或许会心怀不满。真正的爱会不容置疑地“乐他人之乐”,并且尽量让对方感到受重视。

编辑:廖书曼 来源:沪江英语网

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爱的教育:真爱教会我们的17堂课
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